The Amazing Technicolor Hairdo
by fiore777
Summary: Hisoka agrees to make Illumi an outfit for an animal themed masquerade ball involved in Illumi's latest job. In exchange, Hisoka is making Illumi come with him on a quest to retrieve some mystical hair gel.
1. Chapter 1

The Amazing Technicolor Hairdo

_Disclaimer _- Hunter x Hunter does not belong to me, all characters and such are the marvelous product of Yoshihiro Togashi.

_Notes _- This is my fourth fanfic (third HxH one which I wrote a month or so ago) so please give as much input as you can. Silliest piece I have written to date, I think they get more and more out there as I go along. I hope you all enjoy.

_Summary_ - Hisoka agrees to make Illumi an outfit for an animal-themed masquerade ball involved in Illumi's latest job. In exchange, Hisoka is making Illumi come with him on a quest to retrieve some mystical hair gel said to have the ability to 'make your head shine in all the colors of the rainbow if you apply it to your hair'.

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_Chapter 1  
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Hisoka was passing time by constructing yet another card castle. As he leaned back to survey his masterpiece, he felt the presence as soon as it entered. The magician knew of only one man who could enter his home silently so casually.

"Illumi, to what do I owe this pleasure of your visit?" Hisoka was well aware of how the assassin did not believe in social calls, but he was still pleased that the other man came to visit him anyhow.

"From where do you obtain your garments?" was the responding inquiry from Illumi.

Quirking up an eyebrow, Hisoka wondered what prompted such a question. "I sew them myself, isn't this one marvelous?" He stood up and twirled in place, striking a dramatic (Illumi would have called it ridiculous) pose. "Why the sudden interest in how I dress? Have you suddenly decided you needed a new wardrobe? You would look quite good in hearts and diamonds." Hisoka licked his lips as he looked at Illumi, letting his eyes wander up and down the other's body.

Ignoring Hisoka's hungry gaze, Illumi inspected the ensemble Hisoka was showing off. "Your craftsmanship is surprisingly good. I actually do need one costume made. For my latest job I must attend a masquerade ball, the theme is…animals of the jungle." Illumi could tell this would nudge Hisoka towards rather uncomfortable thoughts, but knew there was nothing to be done about this.

Hisoka heard how Illumi compared his everyday attire to a costume, but opted to focus on the compliment instead. Of course, the fact that he would get to dress Illumi up in whatever he wanted to was something else he could not ignore. "I have to look good, any decent magician has to look the part of one." Hisoka stated this as if it were fact. Something nagged at this thought, "I assume the things you wear are custom made. Not like you can just find the interesting things you wear just online or wherever. Why don't you have your usual tailor make what you need? Or just find some tailor at a store?"

"The target is a longtime family associate." The shadow of a smile crossed Illumi's lips as he said the next line, "Mother would be crushed if she found out I took a job to take out that person." Despite Illumi's utter devotion to the family, his mother has always grated on his nerves. "I do not go to stores and ask them to custom make my clothing because I simply do not enjoy talking to people outside of work." Illumi said in irritation.

Knowing the mentality of the Zaoldyeck, Hisoka assumed the assassin meant a family friend when he had said associate. _Because assassins have no need for friends,_ Hisoka thought, wondering what he was to Illumi. The magician was further tickled by Illumi's last sentence. _One of the great Zaoldyecks is simply too shy to go to a tailor?_ Hisoka supposed stranger things have happened. "Hmm, I guess I can make something for you, but what would I get aside from the satisfaction of seeing you in something of my creation?" Ideas for what he would like to see Illumi in crisscrossed his mind.

Sighing, Illumi was reconsidering the idea. "Do refrain from making anything lewd. I do not wish to be waved away at the door nor do I wish to expose an unnecessary amount of skin."

Grudgingly, Hisoka agreed to the terms, "Very well, then you better make the compensation worth my while."

Illumi gave the idea of payment some thought. _He obviously has no interest in money, not that I would want to part with any of it. I'll have him select his fee, within limits._ "You decide what the payment will be, but you must decide and tell me now."

"Well," Hisoka grinned wickedly, "how about you—"

"Not that." Illumi interrupted. "Not that either." Illumi cut in yet again stonily as Hisoka opened his mouth to say something else.

"But you don't even know what I was going to propose, you might have enjoyed it." The magician said, still smirking at the other man.

"I know perfectly well what you are thinking about as much as it pains me, I've been around you for long enough." Illumi briefly wondered why he associated himself with such a man. _I guess it is advantageous to have him around to scare everyone off_, Illumi thought in amusement, completely dismissing the fact that his usual impassive countenance was enough to drive normal people away.

After giving it some more though, Hisoka spoke up. "There is one thing that I could use your assistance for." Walking over to the dinning table Hisoka retrieved a magazine and showed Illumi the cover article. "I want that." Hisoka stated, beaming broadly at the assassin.

Illumi glanced at the picture accompanying the article. It appeared to be of a primeval construction, strange images were cut into the stone. Illumi read the headline of the article, "A shrine was recently discovered where hieroglyphs indicated people of an ancient tribe worshipped a blessed…hair gel? Said to have the power to make one's head reflect all the different colors of the spectrum when applied to the hair, this gel has been much sought after." He paused as he digested the information. "Hisoka, do you really believe this rubbish could be true?" Illumi knew the magician was not all there, but to believe such a thing spoke volumes of the man's sanity, or lack thereof.

"Might as well go see. Look, it has the exact location right here." Hisoka flipped to a map several pages into the article. "There's no harm in looking. Imagine if it is true! I won't have to content myself with one color like sea green or my current crimson. I could be ever-changing. How wonderful would that be!" Hisoka was positively ecstatic at the though.

Illumi knew the man was vain, but he never knew he could be so taken with his own appearance. Although, it did make a certain kind of sense coming from someone who took such great pride in making his own garments. _I'll humor him, this can't be any worse then something else he might think up._ "I have two months before the masquerade is to be held. The place is not too far away, so I can get there and come back in time, assuming the place does indeed have this magical hair gel." Illumi said doubtfully.

"We. I'm coming with you. I can't let you have all the fun. Besides, how will I know you actually went there?" Hisoka stated. "I can have your costume completed in 4 days. Come back at 9 p.m. on the fourth day from now to pick it up. I'm sure you will be splendid in it. I'll let you handle the boring things, like booking a flight and hotel for when we get there. But first, I need to take your measurements." Hisoka took a step towards the assassin, his customary smirk still in place.

Before the magician could get any closer Illumi handed Hisoka a slip of paper. "Those are my measurements. I trust that is all you need from me to complete what I ordered?"

Pouting, Hisoka looked over the sheet and ask, "Are you sure you wouldn't want me to double-check to see if these are accurate?"

"Certain. I will come back in four day's time." Illumi silently left the way he had came in.

"Such a shame." Hisoka watched Illumi's retreating figure.

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_End Note -_ Unlike my other stories this one will actually continue, fancy that XP 


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer _- Hunter x Hunter does not belong to me, all characters and such are the marvelous product of Yoshihiro Togashi.

_Summary_ - Hisoka agrees to make Illumi an outfit for an animal-themed masquerade ball involved in Illumi's latest job. In exchange, Hisoka is making Illumi come with him on a quest to retrieve some mystical hair gel said to have the ability to 'make your head shine in all the colors of the rainbow if you apply it to your hair'.

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_Chapter 2_

Hisoka was busily trying to figure out what to bring along for the trip when Illumi arrived. Eyeing Hisoka's suitcase, he saw that half of it was filled with decks of cards. "Where, on your person do you keep all of those anyhow?"

"It's a secret." Hisoka responded mischievously. "Probably the same place you keep all your pins." He walked over to the closet and pulled something out, holding it up for Illumi to see.

Illumi stared at the offered garment, if it could be called that. "Didn't I tell you I did not want something so…revealing?"

"Oh, this isn't your costume. This is just something I would like to see you in." Hisoka smirked and placed the rack of leather and chains back into the closet. He pulled something else out, and presented it proudly to Illumi. "This is for your masquerade."

The costume Hisoka held forth was all black, part felt, part velvet. Judging from the tail, ears, and whiskers Illumi deducted it was supposed to be a panther. The ensemble was skillfully crafted Illumi observed with some pleasure. The large soft paws had sections cut out between the fingers so he could easily grasp his pins. Even the delicate ears were complete with light pink for the lining. But there was one part which irked the assassin. "Shorts? Since when have you ever known me to wear shorts?"

"I assumed it would be much too warm to cover yourself from head to toe all in black. Besides, shorts would allow for more freedom of movement," was the straightforward answer Hisoka gave despite his wide smirk.

Illumi decided that even though Hisoka was ever the pervert, he did have some valid points. Removing the outfit from the magician's hands, Illumi walked over to the restroom. "I'll try this on now if you don't mind, to see if it fits." _And to make sure Hisoka didn't add any vulgar additions that I cannot see._

"Go ahead, but you don't have to go all the way over there to change." The only response Hisoka got was the closing of the bathroom door. After wondering for a second if he could sneak a peak he settled for deciding on what outfits to bring along on the trip.

A few minutes passed by and Illumi stepped back out in full costume. As Hisoka looked up at the assassin he had to resist the urge to pounce the other man as if he were the one who was a jungle cat. Hisoka managed to gasp out, "You look delicious. Very nice legs, you really should show them off more often."

Illumi contemplated the thought of throwing pins at Hisoka's eyes. _It would give me some practice in handling my pins with these paws._ "I came out to ask you how to attach this tail." Holding up the item mentioned, he pointed to the buckled end.

Hisoka giggled, "Take off your shorts and I'll show you how to put it on them." He smoothly dodged as a pin came flying his way. "I'm crushed, is that the thanks I get?" Hisoka feigned sadness.

Illumi impatiently tapped a foot, "Attach it now and I will just leave it on. Don't try anything while you are fastening it." He handed the tail to Hisoka and craned his head around to watch what Hisoka was doing.

"All you have to do is put this end here and loop it through this D-link and bring it back through the original point." Hisoka explained easily and the tail was set, he let it go and watched it slowly swing from side-to-side. _Ah, how perfectly adorable. I probably could have made the shorts a bit shorter without being disemboweled by Illumi,_ Hisoka reflected regretfully.

"Since you actually came through with your end of the deal, I will have to accompany you on that fool's quest now." Illumi unwillingly admitted. He walked back over to the restroom to change back into his standard attire.

Hisoka went back to tossing a few more deck of cards into the suitcase. _One can never have too many cards._

When Illumi appeared from out of the restroom once again he was no longer wearing the panther set of clothes. Hisoka noticed in delight that the assassin had forgotten in his haste to remove the more charming part of the outfit – the ears. The ears now sat somewhat crookedly on his hair, no doubt moved by Illumi's redressing. Hisoka decided not to tell the other man what he had neglected to remove. "So, do you have the tickets and everything for the trip?"

Illumi held up two tickets. "I would have used one of the family's private jets, but that would have alerted them to my activities. I have everything I require with me, have you completed packing?"

Still gazing at the kitty ears perched on Illumi's head, the magician picked up his luggage, "Got everything I need here. Shall we go?"

Illumi nodded and headed towards the door. Hisoka fought off the desire to brush his hands across the ears and followed the assassin out the door.

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_End Note - _Another chapter to come whenever I manage to bribe my bf into proofreading it :P


	3. Chapter 3

The Amazing Technicolor Hairdo

_Disclaimer _- Hunter x Hunter does not belong to me, all characters and such are the marvelous product of Yoshihiro Togashi.

_Notes _– This chapter is just plan cuteness for the most part :P

_Summary_ - Hisoka agrees to make Illumi an outfit for an animal-themed masquerade ball involved in Illumi's latest job. In exchange, Hisoka is making Illumi come with him on a quest to retrieve some mystical hair gel said to have the ability to 'make your head shine in all the colors of the rainbow if you apply it to your hair'.

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_Chapter 3_

While on their way to the airport, Illumi felt the stares and laughter coming from people as they looked at him. He was use to the stares, but the laughter was something entirely new to him. Shrieks of terror and whispered words, sure, those were things he dealt with regularly in his work.

A child of about five or so tugged at Illumi's sleeve as he was lost in thought. Gazing down at the child she asked if she could touch his ears. The child's mother swooped down to retrieve her child before the assassin could ask what she meant. Reaching up to feel his ears, Illumi did not find anything out of place. Hisoka was giving him the strangest look, but the man always gave Illumi odd looks, to which the assassin had grown accustomed.

Once at the airport, Illumi was stopped when the metal detector beeped as he was going through it. He was mystified considering his attire was designed to cover any trace of the steel pins he carried. As one of the security members moved a scanner over him it bleeped as it went over his hair. Illumi reached up to find a fuzzy pair of ears still attached to his hair. _I must have forgotten to remove them._ Glaring at the now hysterically laughing Hisoka, Illumi removed the ears.

Hisoka gasped for air after his outburst of laughter. "You were too charming with those on. I couldn't bring myself to tell you they were still there." He was not at all apologetic about failing to tell Illumi about them.

As they boarded the plane Illumi executed a well-placed kick at Hisoka's backside while the magician was still giggling. Upon being on the receiving end of said kick Hisoka only laughed louder. "It was worth it!" He yelled back as he scampered towards their seats. The assassin silently fumed at the other's back. _He is fortunate I arranged for our seats to be far apart beforehand, else he might find himself a pincushion before the flight is through._ Illumi spent the remainder of the flight ignoring the magician's giggles.

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The scheduled shuttle came to pick the two up when they arrived at the airport. On the ride to the hotel Hisoka pushed himself as close to Illumi as he could while the assassin got as close to the window as possible. Finally tiring of the way Hisoka was pressed against his side, he leaned towards Hisoka, one arm reaching around the magician's front.

"Why Illumi, I never thought you felt that way about me." Hisoka breathed as the assassin leaned in closer.

Illumi's searching hand found what it was looking for and pulled Hisoka's suitcase over to his side, placing it between the two of them. "If you do not leave me in peace I will toss all your cards and clothing out the window." Illumi popped open the lid to the case and picked out a deck, flinging it out the window to prove his point.

"You are so cruel to me!" Hisoka whined, but he retreated to the other side of the car, sulkily looking at the window.

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"Separate rooms? But what if I need you in the middle of the night for something?" Hisoka playfully stuck his tongue out at the other, assuming the threat on his property no longer applied outside the bounds of the shuttle.

Paying no attention to Hisoka, Illumi obtained the keycards to their rooms and tossed Hisoka his card. "Do not enter my room unless the threat of eminent danger appears. Not that I care whether you live or die, but I cannot let my client pass away before my job is completed." Illumi disappeared into his room and closed the door behind him.

Hisoka's eyes lingered on the close door. Unhappily he turned to find his room, thinking up ways to pass the time until tomorrow. Quickly locating where his room was, he studied the spacious area. It was nothing he hadn't seen before, he was accustomed to living in comfort when it pleased him.

Off in a corner of the room, where the bed was, he heard soft rustling. _A rodent?_ He assumed it came from the nearby jungle, it was not so densely populated a place that such critters avoided the area due to the disturbance of noise. Hisoka noiselessly crept over to the source of sound, thinking he could catch it and show it off to Illumi. When he was close enough he reached out a hand and slowly lifted up a corner of the sheet which draped the floor.

It was a snake.

Hisoka back away in horror and was out the door a split second later. Dashing to Illumi's room he would have ripped the door of its hinges if Illumi had locked it. Hisoka slammed the door behind him and ran to hide behind the assassin who watched all of this calmly. He was used to the magician's quirky behavior.

"…What is it now?" Illumi asked impatiently.

"There's a snake in my room!" Hisoka peeked out from behind Illumi, afraid that somehow the snake would come through the closed door to get him.

Raising an eyebrow in his perpetually impassive face Illumi could not possibly imagine the magician fearing anything, much less a snake. The assassin did recall how the other man avoided being anywhere near the snake charmer during the Hunter Exam. _Maybe snake charming is a skill I should acquire._ "I'll go dispose of this snake if it will make you stop twitching like that." Illumi stalked over to Hisoka's room with the other man following closely behind him.

"Snakes are such vile creatures with the way they lack legs and those eyes; I am going to have words with the management when it is gone." Hisoka shuddered.

_Hisoka calling something else vile, never thought anything could disturb such a disturbed man,_ Illumi reflected as he entered Hisoka's room.

"There, by the side of the bed." The magician was ready to run off at the first sign of the scaly creature. He perched himself behind Illumi as the assassin steadily weaved among the furniture to the source of the other man's distress. Eying the corner of the bed, the assassin's hand darted and a pin struck something in the darkness.

"Is it dead?" Hisoka asked anxiously.

"Of course, I'm a professional." Illumi declared complacently.

"…Professional snake killer? Toss it out the window, I don't want that thing anywhere in here." Hisoka was still eyeing the corner of the bed as if hell itself were there waiting for him to let his guard down.

Illumi was tempted to just let the snake's carcass remain where it was. Agitating the magician was definitely a reversal of what he was used to, it wasn't so bad.

"Get rid of it, please?" Hisoka attempted puppy eyes and Illumi shuddered. _He must really want it gone_, saying 'please' was something Illumi had only heard from the magician once before.

"Very well." Illumi retrieved the carcass and threw it out the window. Hisoka watched it fall and sighed in relief.

Still looking at the window, Hisoka whispered, "Thanks."

"Eh?" Illumi was not expecting that.

"I cannot stand the ghastly things. You are my hero!" Hisoka's grin was back on his face. "I'll stay in your room tonight. I can't sleep here, what if there are other snakes around?" He asked, his eyes widening in horror, but the smirk was still on his lips.

Illumi considered getting a snake to ward off the other man. "Only because I still have a job to complete for you. I can't have you jumping out the window in fright." _As much as that would please me, _Illumi thought darkly.

Hisoka virtually squealed in happiness as he retrieved his luggage from where he had dropped it earlier. He dashed into Illumi's room as the assassin slowly walked in, not pleased that he now had to share his room with the deranged man.

"It is a nice big bed, enough room for both of us." Hisoka said shamelessly.

"You are not sleeping in my bed." Illumi was firm on this point.

"But didn't the costume I made for you please you? It is only fair that I at least retain a little comfort while you still have to pay me back. Besides, you were the one who choose this hotel with…snakes." Hisoka said the last word as if it were a dreaded plague.

Illumi had to admit that Hisoka had a point here too. _Why does this magician have such a effect on how I think?_ "You are right. I will allow you to stay on the left side of the bed, I will be on the right. If any part of you crosses the middle I will cut it off. Understood?" Illumi wanted to make sure Hisoka knew he meant these words.

"I usually toss and turn quite a bit in my sleep." Hisoka walked off into the bathroom. "I'll be taking a shower now, don't you go peeking," the magician said cheerfully.

"I'm going to take a walk." Illumi said, removing himself from the room, deciding any more of Hisoka would drive him surely insane. The man had too much life in him, it threatened to reach out and pull the assassin in. He couldn't have that, as an assassin he could not let anything but his job occupy his thoughts.

Still, Illumi's mind lingered on how he had first met the man, not too long before to the Hunter Exam. Hisoka had taken an interest in one of the assassin's targets and from there they would call upon each other when one of the other needed something.

Illumi's nighttime stroll took him by a booth selling all sorts of boxes. He was drawn to one a glittering red box with a handle protruding out the side. Picking it up he turned the knob and it made a gentle plinking sound at each rotation. When the lid popped open he almost smiled at the colorful figure which appeared. It was a jester dressed in red and blue, with a diamond on one check and a spade on the other, a ridiculous three-pronged hat balanced atop the smiling face. As Illumi considered getting the jack-in-the-box for Hisoka, it occurred to him that Hisoka was the source of entertainment in his life. Illumi realized that this line of thinking was pure frivolousness, that an assassin had no need for such enjoyment. Carefully returning the box to its original location, Illumi continued on the path, willing himself to think of other things.

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_End Note_: Heh, attempting to further their relationship as friends/whatever is hard. Characterization is something I have issues with :P


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer _- Hunter x Hunter does not belong to me, all characters and such are the marvelous product of Yoshihiro Togashi.

_Notes _– The silliness continues :P Expect some very mild fluff between Hisoka and Illumi.

_Summary_ - Hisoka agrees to make Illumi an outfit for an animal-themed masquerade ball involved in Illumi's latest job. In exchange, Hisoka is making Illumi come with him on a quest to retrieve some mystical hair gel said to have the ability to 'make your head shine in all the colors of the rainbow if you apply it to your hair'.

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_Chapter 4_

Illumi returned long after the moon was full in the sky. Shaking his head, he looked at how Hisoka was slumbering, wrapped up in the sheets as if he were burrito. Illumi had to admit the air was chilly, which was why he attempted to nudge the sleeping magician free of at least part of the sheets.

Hisoka grumbled in his sleep and allowed some of the blankets to escape his grasp. Hisoka mumbled something which resembled, "The muffins are baking in the rabbit's tummy…get 'em before they burn."

Illumi questioned what the magician could possibly be dreaming about, but choose to ignore it; he didn't really want to get inside the other man's head. The assassin settled on the opposite side of the bed and buried himself under the covers, drifting off to sleep.

Sometime later Illumi awoke from the chilly room and felt a hand pull him closer. He was just about to flip Hisoka off the bed when he saw the magician was still sound asleep. Regarding the other man groggily, Illumi relaxed back onto the bed. _The night air is quite cold here, I'll tolerate his arm around me_. Illumi was not going to admit to himself that the sensation of another person's arm around him was the least bit soothing.He drifted back off to sleep.

Hisoka awoke the next morning, his arm still around the sleeping assassin. _As nice as this is, I should probably move before Illumi wakes up and rips my arm off,_ Hisoka thought ruefully. He disengaged his arm from around the other man.

Once he selected an outfit and dressed himself he looked back at the sleeping form of Illumi. _My, and I thought I was a restless sleeper._ Illumi was sprawled across the bed, an arm flung off one side and a leg where Hisoka had been sleeping. The mass of dark hair obscured the assassin's face. Hisoka beat back the temptation to brush aside the hair. Instead, he called room service for breakfast, still thinking how seemingly defenseless the assassin looked as he slept.

Illumi blearily opened an eye when he heard the knocking at the door. He immediately shut said eye and buried himself under the pillow when the daylight hit him. As a professional killer he could fully rouse himself in a heartbeat, but it didn't mean he wanted to do so this early in the morning.

"So you are awake!" The cheerful reply greeted him from an all-too-awake magician. Illumi grabbed a pillow and chucked it in the general direction of the voice.

Hisoka expertly caught the pillow and threw it back onto the bed. "Illumi, I'm boooreeed," he complained.

Illumi knew there would be no more sleep with the other man around so he reluctantly got off the bed. He stumbled towards the bathroom, "Shower," was all he said, shooting a sleepy but threatening glance at the magician.

"I would have thought you were more of a morning person" Hisoka giggled. He was accustomed to waking up early, eager for the new day and new exploits awaiting him. He had no use for prolonged sleep, it was considered an interruption to his fun.

In contrast, Illumi had no love for mornings, assuming he had such a feeling for anything at all. If possible, he conducted most of his work when the sun had long ago descended. He firmly believed that Hisoka's being a morning person was another way for the world to plot against him.

Hisoka looked at the door to the restroom as he heard the shower turn on. Giggling, he pictured it was the perfect moment to see what the assassin looked like out of his clothing. The sound of the water will at least cover the sound of the door opening, he thought mischievously. Stealthily making his way towards the door he cracked it open. A pin sunk into the wall by his head. "Oh, I was just looking for a towel, really! Where do you keep those pins while in the shower?" Hisoka ducked back out of the doorway in case Illumi decided to make it rain anymore pins.

Now that the brief moment of excitement was over Hisoka had to find something else to occupy his time as the assassin prepared. _I'll go take a look around, the outside has to be more interesting then the inside of a hotel room._ Hisoka scribbled a note and left it on the cart of food.

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Illumi was fully awake by the time his shower was over, ready to start and finish the foolish quest he and Hisoka had come for. Finding the room devoid of the other man the assassin blinked irritably. _Where could that lunatic have gone off to?_

Noticing the slip of paper Hisoka had left on the cart he plucked it out from under a tray. Hisoka's barely legible scribbles reported that he had gone to see the sights and would be back "eventually". Illumi scoffed when he saw the note was signed by "the greatest magician in the world". There is no doubt the note was written by Hisoka. _That man is really trying my patience._

Since the assassin had nothing else to do while he waited he settled down to have some breakfast. The food was still warm. In addition to eggs, sausage, and waffles Hisoka had ordered an array of colorful cereals. Illumi eyed the Lucky Charms and Fruit Loops and could not envision how anyone could ingest such disgustingly cheerful food. _This does explain Hisoka's unnatural amounts of energy in the morning._

Hisoka still was not back by the time Illumi finished his breakfast. Illumi's eyes roamed the room in search of something to read until the magician returned. Finding no magazines or even newspapers, he fingered a deck of cards Hisoka had left out. _I have never built a card castle before, it can't be so difficult considering the most unstable of all people can do it._ Illumi removed the cards and took the two from the top, placing them against each other to form a triangle. Letting go, the cards remained upright and he continued on, placing several more in a similar fashion in a row. A single card functioning as a bridge and a connector between each triangle. He found the activity strangely relaxing, and thought perhaps that was why the magician could always be seen building them.

Illumi was on the fifth level of his card castle by the time Hisoka arrived back at the room. "Aren't card castles fun?" Hisoka asked in delight as he saw Illumi working with the cards. "The best part is when they fall down." Hisoka giggled at this, from some inner joke no doubt.

"I had to do something while I waiting, who knew when you would come back." The assassin stood up, now quite awake and ready to go to the jungle and the shrine where the supposed hair gel of legend was to be found.

"This place has some interesting tuff. Here, I saw something and I just had to get it for you." Hisoka handed a bag to Illumi.

Illumi eyed the bag wearily, expecting to find inside something suggestive at best. Peering within the plastic bag he saw a familiar red box. Pulling the box out, he turned the handle on the side and the jester he saw the night before popped forth.

"Do you like it? I figured it would remind you of a certain magician if you ever got bored." Hisoka grinned devilishly.

Illumi was unsure of what to make of the gift. "Thank you," came out before he could stop himself.

The magician reached out a hand and placed it on the other man's forehead. "Are you feeling alright? You are aware you just said 'thank you', to me, aren't you?"

Sweeping the hand away, Illumi responded stiffly with, "Yes, I'm just tired. I do not find being awake at this hour pleasant." Which was true, but not at all the reason he was feeling something approaching happiness because of the present. "In my line of work one must be polite to one's client," the assassin added more to calm his mind than for Hisoka's benefit.

_So I'm a client? That sounds even worse then an associate, and I thought this trip would make him relax around me a little_. They had known each other going on 3 years now, rarely had someone so constantly stayed in his life with his erratic existence. Shrugging the idea aside Hisoka focused on the thought of obtaining the hair gel he wanted. "While in town I found a map of the surrounding area. This is the way to the jungle the magazine mentioned." Hisoka pointed a path leading to the east.

Illumi placed the box on the table next to his card castle. "We should leave, it gets extremely cold around here at nightfall. Being caught outside with such temperatures does not strike me as very appealing."

"I'll keep you warm." Hisoka volunteered while cheerfully smirking.

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_End Note_ – Oh dear, I hope I didn't make that too cute or whatnot.


	5. Chapter 5

The Amazing Technicolor Hairdo

_Notes: Usual disclaimer and all that jive :P_

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_Chapter 5_

They reached the border of the jungle as the sun beat down on them. "This would be the perfect place for you to wear your panther outfit, a pity you did not bring it along." Hisoka dipped his head as the assassin tossed a branch at him. "I thought you had to mind your manners around your employer?"

"Only if the behave themselves," Illumi shot back, his normally expressionless face grew icy. He thought of a way to temporarily distract the magician, "You should worry less about what I wear and more about certain reptiles that may be lurking behind the nearest tree."

"Gah, don't you even kid about that." Hisoka moved closer to Illumi to avoid coming within reach of the trees around them as they moved on. The assassin was thankful for the magician's silence as Hisoka peeked around for snakes.

Half an hour into the jungle Hisoka was emboldened by the lack of scaly horrors and insisted on leading the way. He guaranteed it would be more exciting if he did so. Although Illumi was not particularly looking forward to the exciting time Hisoka promised, he relented and allowed the magician lead. The assassin silently followed, enjoying the sight of lust vegetation all around. With his workload he rarely had time to take in the sights of places he had been.

After traveling through the jungle for three hours, Illumi was convinced Hisoka did not have the faintest idea where they were headed. Judging by his flawless sense of time, they should have been there one hour and twenty-three minutes ago. His suspicions were confirmed when he snatched the map back and saw the magician had been looking at it sideways. "Do you even know how to read a map?" Illumi asked, reprimanding himself for letting someone like Hisoka lead. _As a professional, I should never have let someone else be the guide even though it gave me a chance to take in the view._

"The map looks pretty." Hisoka beamed at Illumi, obviously not caring to have something direct his actions. He preferred to rely on his instincts, which had a tendency to get him hopelessly lost, as Illumi was unfortunate enough to find out.

Illumi resumed leading when Hisoka heard an unusual bird call and tried to follow it. Illumi felt the beginnings of a headache. _Even my younger brothers were not this much trouble combined. Hisoka's my age, no, he's even slightly older. Why is it I feel like I am dealing with a 5-year-old?_ He grasped Hisoka's collar in one hand, map in the other, and set off on the correct path to the shrine.

The assassin assumed Hisoka had undiagnosed AAD when the magician once again tried to wander off, this time to poke a large green beetle. Tightening his grip on the other man's shirt, he continued dragging Hisoka behind him to their destination.

Half an hour later they arrived at the shrine thanks to Illumi's unfailing sense of direction. The assassin believed that if the magician went by himself he would have lost himself in the jungle long ago. Illumi was surprised to find the shrine peaking through the foliage, not really expecting the place to exist once they arrived. _If the shrine exists, the gel might too. And maybe the magician's lack of sense is rubbing off on me._

They walked into the mouth of the ruins. Inside the structure they found a statue greeting them. Directions were as follows: 'A strand of hair is required from each traveler, place the strands into our idol's palm.'

Illumi unceremoniously plucked out a strand of Hisoka's hair and did the same with his. Hisoka rubbed his scalp, "I could have just cut some off with a card."

As instructed, the assassin laid the two strands in the opened hands of the statue and stood back. There was the sound of grinding as the hands slowly retracted into the sleeves of the statue. A few moments past before a passage way was revealed beside the sculpture.

Hisoka looked at the statue in curiosity, "What was that all about?"

"I do not know, I do not belong to a culture which worships hair." Illumi self-consciously swept his hair back and entered the tunnel.

Hisoka snickered, "Oh really? Then explain how your hair is so perfect." _An assassin shouldn't have time to keep his hair so flawless._

"Messy hair can get in the way of a job when kept long." Illumi replied, his tone revealing nothing of how he viewed his hair.

Hisoka knew the assassin kept his hair long since his youth to emulate his father, Silva. The magician thought it was adorable that the assassin so looked up to the man.

Following the assassin into the path ahead of them they descended into the broken down temple. What greeted them were a series of traps which they were accustomed to from past experiences. The blades were dodged and Illumi simply sidestepped any trapdoors Hisoka would have tripped just for the fun of it. The magician would have set off more traps if Illumi did not threaten him with the thought of snake pits.

Eventually they came to an area where part of the path appeared to have broken away, giving them a view of the empty air below. Nudging at some rubble with his toe, Illumi doubted the validity of the article considering the state of disrepair the place was in. "Are you sure what you are looking for will still be here and intact?"

"Aw, we are already here, might as well keep looking. With all these traps around there has to be something interesting inside." The chasm gaped before them and Hisoka held out a hand to the assassin. "I can swing us across using my nen," which he attached to the ceiling as he spoke. "We could be like Tarzan and Jane, I'll even do the yell." Hisoka grinned as he said so.

Ignoring the offer, Illumi responded with, "I can jump it." _Probably._ He certainly was not going to accept the magician's questionable assistance.

Shrugging, Hisoka smoothly swung himself across the ravine. He gave off the familiar ululating yell characteristic of one of Tarzan's own and waited Illumi on the other side.

Judging the distance to be just right for someone of his physique, Illumi inched backwards to get a running start. He gracefully leaped and not-so-gracefully missed the opposing edge by an inch. As he reached out a hand to grab the ledge it crumbled and he was reminded of once again how things happened to spite him.

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_End Note_: As usual, hope you all enjoyed :P


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6_

A hand darted out and grabbed his arm, he was pulled back up to a grinning Hisoka. "So you could have made it without my help, eh?" As the magician took a step back to pull the other man up they heard the sound of the brick being depressed as arrows cut through the air. Hisoka jumped up with Illumi in tow to avoid the projectiles.

They ended up in an undignified heap on the floor a few feet away. "Isn't this a pleasant situation?" Illumi looked around to see he had landed on top of the smirking magician. Pushing himself off the other man, he saw an arrow had impaled itself in Hisoka's arm. Somewhat guiltily he thought the other man would have been able to dodge it easily if he wasn't burdened by the added weight of another body.

Hisoka pulled out the arrow and tossed it into the corner. He proceeded to lick the at blood dripping down his arm, "Tasty."

Illumi cuffed the back of Hisoka's head. "Don't do that, you don't know what may be on that arrow." Illumi bent over the other man and proceeded to bandage the other man's arm.

"Aw, you really do care about me!" Hisoka smirked and leaned towards the assassin.

Illumi felt the magician getting too close for comfort. The assassin reached out to push Hisoka away when Hisoka lurched forward and fell on his shoulder. Hisoka really was thinking of purposefully bumping into Illumi when he felt his body go numb and fell forward.

"Fascinating, I seem to have lost control of my body. Your hair does smell nice though." Illumi jerked away from the magician, who fell with a loud thump to the ground.

"Ouch, I can still feel when I hit the floor." Hisoka remained motionless on the ground.

Illumi went over to inspect the arrow. _I should have recognized the paralysis applied to the tip by the smell earlier._ The way he had landed on Hisoka was running through his mind. _Great, that big pervert's mind is even getting to me._

"Hey, if you are done looking at the arrow can you sit me up? This floor is awfully dusty and doesn't smell that good either." Hisoka complained from his position on the ground.

Illumi considered leaving the magician in that state for a little while longer, but he did not want to spend any more time in the drafty place. He hoisted Hisoka onto his shoulder and started down the path.

"It is a nice view back here." From Hisoka was hanging on the assassin's shoulder his face was nearly opposed to the other's backside. Illumi dropped the magician on his head.

"Sorry, my hand slipped." Illumi lifted the other man back up, this time Hisoka wisely remained silent as they continued towards the end of the corridor.

After an assortment of more traps, the two found their way to the center of the shrine. They entered a room with innumerable vials and hair strands of all different colors were strewn all about.

"This appears to be the correct location, but how are we to know which vial is the correct one?" Illumi inspected each container carefully. None of them had labels, and no text indicated what to do unlike at the entrance to the place. The assassin propped Hisoka against a statue on the ground and walked over to the jars to scrutinize their contents closer.

Hisoka yawned at the vials, he was bored. Not being able to move was interesting for the first couple minutes, and he did enjoy being carried by Illumi, but now he had nothing to do and was rapidly growing tired of looking at the dusty place. "There's hair all over the place, why not just test it on the stuff lying around here?"

The next hour or so was spent testing out the contests of the different jars, some appeared to eat hair as soon as it came into contact, and others appeared to be just regular dyes and gels. Illumi finished testing out all the containers with nothing to show from all his efforts. "None of those appeared to have the properties of a rainbow dye." He refused to call it a 'magical hair gel' aloud, it was simply too ridiculous. The assassin wondered what to do next awhile Hisoka had drifted off to sleep in his boredom.

Since the bottles were not the answer, Illumi thought the room itself might lend some clues to the whereabouts of the real thing. He ran his hand across the wall, testing for any weak points which might indicate another area they might have missed. His diligent search of the area revealed nothing. Turning to the statue he rested Hisoka beside earlier he remembered how the entrance had a similar statue.

Hisoka cracked an eye open sleepily, "Did you find anything remarkable yet?"

"Maybe." Illumi brushed his palm across the statue similar to how he inspected the wall earlier. His searching revealed a paper-thin opening along the side of the figure, approximately the width of a hand. Illumi would have destroyed the wall if he didn't think the whole place would come crumbling down around him if he did so.

He roused the dozing magician, "Where do you keep your cards? I might have found something indicating the location of what you are searching for."

Hisoka blinked sleepily but a smirk grew across his face, "In my pants." Illumi raised a couple pins threateningly. "What? I speak the truth. I tucked a couple into the inside of my shirt, under my waistband." He did not feel it was necessary to mention he also had plenty tucked in less intimate areas, such as in his armband.

_Maybe I should pick him up by the ankles and shake him to see if any cards fall out instead._ Illumi reached inside Hisoka's top to find a card while ignoring the magician's delighted giggles. The assassin felt something wet trail across his ear and turned to look at the magician. "Did you just…lick me?" Illumi asked incredulously, brushing at his ear.

"Maybe." Hisoka grinned. "My mouth obviously still works since I've been talking despite the stuff on that arrow."

The assassin slammed a pin into the wall by Hisoka's head, this was getting to be a regular occurrence. Illumi successfully found a card and walked back over to where the narrow opening in the statuette was. To his dismay the card was too thick to fit into the area. Illumi looked around to see if he could find anything thinner then a card. His eyes swept across all the hair strewn about on the floor. _Of course, using the hair here to put in the opening might work, these people did worship hair after all._

Gathering up a sheet of hair from the floor he attempted to put it into the wall. The hair stayed in place for a second, and then was promptly spat back out. _So the sculpture does not approve of this hair?_ Illumi attempted to try his own, putting an inch of his hair into the opening. This offering evidently pleased the statue as it immediately chomped off the hair. Illumi lifted his hair and looked at the now uneven strands in consternation.

"Did that thing just eat your hair?" Hisoka asked. "It is very nice hair, but it doesn't strike me as something that would taste good."

The two men peered at the statue as they heard the sound of stones moving against each other. From the sculpture's chest a panel slid away to show a thin vial hidden inside.

"That must be it, why else would it be in such a secretive place?" The magician's eyes gleamed eagerly.

"Only one way to find out." Illumi checked for traps and did not locate any. He picked up a strand of hair from the ground and dropped it into the vial. When it pulled it back out the end he had immersed into the liquid shimmered and rapidly began to shift from one color to the next.

Hisoka would have jumped for joy if he was able to move at all. He settled for exclaiming, "Yes, yes! I'm so happy I could just kiss you!" The magician grinned broadly at the assassin.

Illumi took a step back from the man just in case. "Now that this foolishness is over with, we can return home. Or, since my debt to you is completed, I can leave you here with the vial." He had no doubt that the magician would survive the day or two it would take the paralysis to wear off.

"You wouldn't." Hisoka attempted puppy dog eyes. "I would be SO bored!"

After a couple minutes of letting the magician tensely wait Illumi agreed, "I won't. You would end up pestering me about it later." Illumi tucked the vial into a pocket and hoisted Hisoka up to leave.

"I could get use to you carrying me around like this." Hisoka commented sweetly, smirking at Illumi.

"There better not be another time, or I really will leave you wherever you end up." As the odd twosome left the temple the assassin thought back on the whole experience. It was not that horrendous. As he thought of the jack-in-the-box, a smile almost graced his lips.

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_End note_: One more chapter to go and this will be finished. Chapter 7 is a short one ;


	7. Chapter 7

The Amazing Technicolor Hairdo

_Notes_: Well, last chapter, hope you all have enjoyed the insanity :P

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_Chapter 7_

Illumi placed Hisoka back in his house and found the antidote for the paralysis. After the cure Hisoka happily announced he was going to take a shower and test out the gel. As usual he asked Illumi to accompany him, and as usual the assassin declined.

Illumi laid down on the couch, worn out from having to carry the magician around so much. He started to doze off when he heard a horrified scream.

Hisoka tore through the room and Illumi saw what made the magician so unhinged. Hisoka's head was absent of any hair, although his now bald head was shining in all the colors of the spectrum. "My hair's gone! The gel stole my hair away, I am going to murder it!" Hisoka alleged angrily.

Illumi could not help himself, he actually started laughing. If Hisoka was not distressed over his current lack of hair he would have been completely charmed by the sight. Illumi's laughter filled the room for another minute before the assassin regained his usual composer. _I have not felt like this in years, perhaps being around this crazy man is not so bad._

Despite the chaos that was Hisoka frantically pacing in distress, Illumi calmly looked at the magician. "You can always grow your hair out again. I'm sure you can survive without your hair for the time being. Aside from that, I'm fairly certain you cannot kill a bottle of hair gel."

"But I don't want to live without my hair." Hisoka sighed melodramatically. "There has to be a remedy for this. Come with me back to that temple!"

"No. My only job was to get you the gel, which I did." Actually, Illumi would not have minded a return trop, he might have enjoyed it. But he did not want the magician to know he had grown accustomed to being around him.

"It does not look so bad." Barely concealed mirth filled Illumi's sentence. He reached out a hand to pat Hisoka's sulky multi-colored head and noticed the colors changed again. "My friend, you now have a mood stone as a head." Illumi noted coolly.

Hisoka paused in his fretting, "What did you just call me?"

"Nothing…Baldy." A corner of Illumi's mouth twitched in amusement.

The magician regarded Illumi curiously. _What do you know? I am more then an 'acquaintance' after all. But why did I have to lose my hair for that revelation?_ He decided to file this away for later, choosing instead to focus on the problem at hand. He continued ranting at Illumi over his missing hair. It was at least a little reassuring to have someone else listening to him. Even if that someone else had given up on the stony façade in favor of hysterically laughing at the one person he had ever called a friend.

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_End Note –_ Be horrified, I finished a multi-chaptered fic o.O I hope you all enjoyed it, was written more to appease my warped sense of humor than for anything else (and to cram as many silly-cute moments in it as possible) :P


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